I am compulsive eater. I love sugar. I love starches. I love to eat in a way that shuts the fark out of my thoughts…except there is not enough food in the world to do that. I eat when I am happy. I eat when I am sad. I eat the way that brand of happy alcoholic drinks. Compulsively hurting only myself. Or so I think.
If you ask the Vegans my eating is harming the planet and the animals.
If you ask a generic doctor… The excessive consumption is a strain on the health care system or will be in the future. My actual doctor reckons I have a sticky switch that is just part of the genetic craps table. He points out that in a zombie apocalypse I would be sweet where as he would fade away without food quite quickly. Okay he didn’t say zombie apocalypse that was me, I think he said desert island, but I like mine thought sequence better. Although I bet he is fast and I would be much tastier than his grisly ass [Squirrel] – the generic term applied to tangential thought sequences. The point he was trying to make is that my body stores fat extremely effectively and his burns through calories easily. It is just genetics way of allowing for survival of the species during times of famine and bounty. Two different codes that thrive in different times. Lets just say that this is not my time to shine…and for the sake of the non zombie infested world I hope it never is.
If however you ask me about my weight and eating…My compulsive eating adds weight to my body that hinders what I am capable of doing. And will limit how long in to the future I will be able to have fun because I am selling off my future for a Mrs. Higgins fudge piece right now.
How many times have I tried to corral myself into being “better”? I have lost count.
But I haven’t lost the understanding that it might simply be Edison’s light bulb. Meaning I have learned countless ways what doesn’t work for me and I will endeavor to find ways that do.
What I do know is I am very slowly…ridiculously slowly getting better. Getting Healthier.
Yes the compulsive eating thing is still there but I have changed the food that I am feeding myself and my body is healing slowly as a result.
I discovered that Wheat/Gluten was destroying my digestive system. So I stopped eating it about a year and a half ago quite abruptly at least the obvious gluten containing things. Then slowly found other ones that were quite subtle and hidden like soy sauce and miso and many condiments. Thought I would lose weight when I sorted that out…nope not an ounce. But my gut felt infinitely better and I now very very rarely get sick.
So here is the deal. I am on a quest.
A quest for Luscious Health.
I have no real idea what form this will take. It isn’t about looking “model perfect” I am a 42 year old woman built like a chubby Amazon. Simply put I want my body to be in good enough nick to give me 40 more years of fun.